They Think They Know Me: Confronting Ableism & Microaggressions in Everyday Conversations

“They think that they know everything there is to know, just by looking at me. That’s how stereotypes work.”

-Harriet McBryde Johnson lawyer and disability activist

July is Disability Pride Month. July 26 marks the 35th anniversary of the signing of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) into Law. The purpose of Disability Pride Month is to commemorate this historic event but also celebrate people with disabilities and their contributions to society. This blog will discuss the history of the ADA, microaggressions, and how they hinder inclusion. It’s also an opportunity to raise awareness about the continued stigma and bias that continues until this day.  

Before diving into the issue of microaggressions, let’s first take a step back to acknowledge the legislation that paved the way for disability rights: the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). I want to highlight the activist who engaged in civil disobedience shortly before this law was passed (please see my Ted Talk where I discuss the activist in more detail). The ADA prohibits discrimination in areas such as employment, education, transportation, and public accommodations; breaking down systemic barriers that have long excluded people from fully participating in society. Unfortunately, laws alone don’t stop people from perpetuating more subtle forms of exclusion that are based on stereotypes and stigma. 

What Are Microaggressions?

A microaggression is an offensive comment or conduct that is directed at someone because of their membership in a marginalized group.  The behavior is rooted in stereotypes.  For example, here are some examples of behavior or comments that are offensive:

1. "I admire you for coming out; most people would give up."

2. "You don’t let the pain hold you back, do you?"

3. “Wow, you are an inspiration!”

4. "If I had to live like you, I couldn’t do it."

5. “What happened to you?”

6. Staring at someone who looks different. 

I want to address each of the above in turn. Numbers 1-4 would fall into the category of attempting to be complimentary or expressing empathy. These comments  actually reveal an underlying assumption that disabled people inherently lead lives of suffering, that their existence is something to "overcome" or "endure." This kind of thinking reduces human complexity to stereotypes, and it assumes that living with a disability is an inherently lesser experience. It is communicating ableism - that being able bodied is the only way to have a good life.

They also reinforce harmful stereotypes of disabled people as pitiable, inspiring figures meant to evoke admiration simply for existing. These remarks diminish the complexity of people’s lives—their goals, achievements, joys, relationships—reducing them to caricatures.

Number 5 is offensive because it is a call back to historic stigma coupled with what some activists have called “disability porn.”  One example of this is the “freak shows” that were popular in the U.S. from 1840-1940. The shows showcased people with disabilities in a voyeuristic and exploitative manner.  Discrimination blocked many people with disabilities from obtaining other employment. These shows allowed people to support themselves, but it also fed the public’s crude curiosity about another human being’s body. Unless you are a medical professional or a lawyer preparing for a case, there really isn’t any reason to ask another human being about “what happened” to their body. Especially in the workplace.

As to number 6, it can be tempting to stare, but if we are speaking with someone, it is best to maintain normal eye contact (there are some cultures that do not maintain eye contact so I use the term “normal” here to mean the norm for yourself or your community). People can see when someone’s eyes are roving over their body. This is not only considered to be the height of rudeness, but it can also be unsettling for the other person observing you in real-time assessing their body. 

Another unfortunate consequence of microaggressions is that folks with not readily visible disabilities may opt to not seek workplace accommodations or other support because of the bias and stigma they observe other folks receiving.

          How Can We Do Better?

Here are some actionable steps:

1. Educate Yourself
   One of the best ways to stop microaggressions is to understand their origins. Learn about ableism, disability culture, and the diverse experiences of disabled people. Follow advocates, engage with their writing and art, and listen to their stories. Education fosters empathy and dismantles ignorance.

2. Practice Active Listening
   Before making comments or assumptions, take the time to listen. Recognize each person’s individuality, rather than projecting generalized stereotypes onto them.

3. Challenge Your Biases
   Examine your own thoughts and beliefs. One of the most damaging aspects of microaggressions is their prescriptive nature: they narrow the scope of what a disabled person should be or must feel. Do you unintentionally place limitations in your mental picture of what people are capable of? Are you assuming someone’s life is less fulfilling or "worse off" because of their disabilities? Challenge yourself to unlearn these misconceptions.

4. Reframe Your Understanding of Disability
   Stop viewing disability through the narrow lens of deficit or struggle. Instead, embrace the perspective that disability is a natural and valuable part of human diversity. Disabled individuals create, innovate, dream, and grow just like anyone else—they are not "inspirations" merely for existing.

5. Call Out Microaggressions
   If you hear someone making a microaggressive comment, gently but firmly point it out. Explain why it’s problematic and offer constructive alternatives. For example:

• Instead of "I admire you for coming out; most people would give up," try asking, What inspires or motivates you in your journey? This is an interesting question that could be posed to anyone and doesn’t call out someone’s health or body. 

• Instead of "You don’t let the pain hold you back," focus on celebrating achievements without correlating them to their disability, such as "Your work is really impressive!"

• Also remaining quiet is also an option. We don’t have to always rush to say something. One of my favorite quotes I personally try to apply to my daily life is, “Don’t speak unless you can improve upon the silence,” - Jorge Luis Borges.

6. Support Policy Change and Accessibility Efforts
   Microaggressions don’t exist in isolation—they are upheld by systemic ableism. Advocate for policies that promote accessibility, inclusion, and equity.        

   Final Thoughts

Disability Pride Month provides an opportunity for all of us to reflect on how we view and treat disabled people—not just in law or policy but in everyday interactions. Passage of the ADA was greatly needed but civility is also crucial to the fight for dignity, inclusion, and respect. The World Health Organization estimates that 1.3 billion people or 16% of the global population have a disability.  By addressing microaggressions and ableism, we can pave the way for a future where all lives are celebrated for their fullness and not diminished by stereotypes or condescension.

Continued Learning:

Disability Pride Flag

Disability Project

Disability Visibility

How Harriet Tubman’s Disability Helped Shape Her

TED Talk about microaggressions and disability